Getting mad or saying nasty things when someone is sick or injured suggests the same disorders. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. WebNow I'm going to get sick! Along with my wonderful family, amazing besties, and our mutual friends who understand what I am going through, I have been validated, helped, encouraged and am where I am today. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 06:51. Being Married to Someone Who Doesn't Care. I scrolled through my phone contacts and one name popped out, an old mutual friend of ours. And what Ive learned is, thats exactly why Im with you. It sucks but thats what it is. The garage is large, and I can barely walk through it from all his tools and projects all over the floor. This is the response of a person who lives in the present. Sign #12: He Doesnt Pay For Anything. Its your life not theres. Some people are very loving and caring, others are pretty avoidant. I couldn't even keep them down or even water it was so bad and my mom called the Doc back and he said if I couldn't keep the water or pills down to take me into the emergency room? But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick. Being unhelpful when someone is sick or injured strongly suggests either Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD. People with ADHD don't have to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just have to learn toset alarms. Once again I get "That's great! NOTHING HELPED. He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. Gosh, feel better! I think the non spouse has to be less of a giver and move to the attitude of-I'm in this life for myself just like you demonstratedaily that are in it for yourself. All I have to say about that is..THAT..is some Fucked Up Shit.right there!! I m not saying it s right, but I am not putting in the effort for someone who lies to my face about everything. I couldn't handle it. And.as I have confirmed my father ( the Narc ) did this as well? He didn't. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. Ziff Davis, LLC BBB Business Review. I am ok. To have someone who would look at me when I talked to him (at least sometimes), and not look away, or in another direction, or not pay attention at all, and wouldn't immediately take an opposing view of my opinions, or discount them altogether. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. I don't know if I could ever be the person I used to be, because of all the betrayal, hurt, lies, infidelity, and very little to none showing of remorse. Once in a while he says hello but its almost like it never happened. Submitted by sickandtired on Fri, 12/11/2020 - 08:44. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. I'm waiting for a serious operation and is in a lot of pain, there is been challenges and getting the surgery. She came and went multiple times during the morning ignoring that I was still in bed and coughing a lot. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. I, ME, MINE!! If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. Fortunately, theres a I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really feel love..for that moment. That is my story for anyone that can benefit from it. 2015 was the year that changed me some more. This becomes a real problem for me in one area especially. I am not an illness. But it only works if it's recent. :) Don't get it twisted, I wait on him hand and foot when he is sick and right away he said he felt a tickle in his throat. I hope you left him. Isn't THAT ironic? It wont solvefor the dishonesty (and just found a new credit card). You cant expect people to stop. Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. Uggh. That's my two bits and I'm sticking too it. We have to deal with the fallout of the consequences, which they don't ever want you to tell them about. It doesn't have to be a hierarchy, but, if it is, your life partner should be #1, then the kids. Otherwise she knows that I will go down and get whatever I want. ADHD adults also can have trouble reading the emotional cues of others, according to research. In the first instance, you get his buy in. So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to have to bring it up. He's afraid someone is going to see that he couldn't 'do this, and it will make him look bad to someone "out there". I have no compassion in my heart for this and I have no means to find it or excuse this as anything more than totally Fucked Up Shit!!! Or begging him to drive you home. I said no. Dont gauge this for the rest of your marriage. But the AD/HD is so strong, it overrides that. We're still at the beginning of our diagnostic and therapeutic journey. So, again, it's about him. However Ive come to the realization that hes not the same as me. It CHANGED ME, and I'm not who I used to be. And, of course, there is their sense that others (including you) are out to get them. They will always be more important than you. Every ER visit, every hospitalization, every important doctor visit, you are there. But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. Everyone, strangers and those that love and tolerate him see an issue. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. So His mother died in a plane crash, this would finish him off if I left, etc. AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally That's his job. Just comes to the door and looks at me like a piece of meat and then walks away and leaves after all of that? I know your relationship is more complex than what I'm reading here in your postand it's not my business but he sounds selfish and self-centered. When I confront him about what I'm thinking about how he acts, he becomes defensive and gets angry. I am a loving, patient, kind person who wants a partner to weather the storms of life with. Fortunately, I feel a little better now. I know this may sound "corny", lol, but I don't think I'm too off base with this. This is daunting to say the least. But know that people can take a while to be retrained to react differently. I actually yelled at him, told him how selfish he is. If you read anything about attachment theory, the bottom line is that if you had a parent who didn't attach to you, or rejected you, then you mostly likely develop an unhealthy attachment style you use with others. All big red flags. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). I wasn't even allowed to adjust my own pillows. Iris is somewhat of a unicorn a zebra unicorn even! An the cycle continues. My memories hold no feelings of love because I am not experienceing them right now. I often try to put myself in his shoes and think "God I am so happy I am not like that". Until you are burnt out, and I finally notice something is wrong. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. Press J to jump to the feed. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. His kids are always going to come before you. Because you are doing it and should own your behavior. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. So my father comes home after hearing all of this from my mother at each stage of the day..and I'm laying there sicker than a dog after vomiting all day longand he comes to the door way and just looks at meand me at himthinking he was going to say he was sorry for not believing me and making go to swim workout with 104 degree temperature and just stares at me with this blank lookand then turns around and walks away and never mentions it again or ever says one word to me about that day ever? But you dont care. Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? The world should recognize his presence and he should be treated with utmost respect while giving none in returnto ANYONE! Many years ago I had appendicitis. Not showing care or concern for your spouse when they are sick, or injured is NOT an ADHD trait. A well spouses support and encouragement can help a partner stay on track, but this new role can also trigger frustration on both sides. I'll talk to my wife when she gets home. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. Maybe she doesnt even realize shes doing it. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:18. By then its too late. The behavior, not the label, is what matters. Please share ~ the relief is amazing! I am better than begging and I am tired of it. We parted ways. It tends to be E>S in females, and S>E in males, and S>E in ADHD regardless of gender. Fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this wasn't a problem for long. Haha I'm quite relieved to know even a couple who've been together for long have had to get through situations like this. The one hoarding in the place you are trying to sell? BTW, when ourkids are sick he is mean and heartless. I love(d) H, and love (past, present and future)our children, our grandchildren, art, my business, my home. Not a very nice thing to do to someone you say you "love". No expression. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. Would she normally kiss you before going to work? tl;dr - My wife doesn't care that I am unwell and I have no idea how to approach her about this behavior. That's just great! Being in a constantly defensive state (as are the chronic blamers of the world) means ADHD adults can become really good at detachingand awful at attaching. , lol, but I just was happy he was getting help beginning of our diagnostic and therapeutic.... At him, told him how selfish he is mean and heartless and what learned! So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to to! 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