They's already got one! Bryant is serving thirty-five life sentences plus 1,035 years without parole in Risdon Prison, and everyone with long-enough connections here knows someone who was killed, damaged or who mopped up on the front line after his rampage. For 2021 in Tasmania, Secular Beliefs and Other Spiritual Beliefs and No Religious Affiliation was the largest broad group religious group reported overall (53.6%) (excludes Not stated). Last year, Pirounakis attended the Academy as a student and this year, hes returning to lead the 30-strong class in a discussion about creativity [], Market research firm Verve has expanded from its Sydney base to a new office in Melbourne with two new hires. Muckraking articles in the Melbourne newspaper Truth describing incest in Tasmania an activity sometimes found in isolated communities encouraged an even worse reputation, with many jokes by mainlanders about Tasmanians' two heads. IMAA Unveils The IMAA Academy Learning Platform for Indies, Meghan Markle Puts Venomous South Park Takedown Behind Her For Cameo In Coffee Ad, Tuesday TV Ratings: Viewers Say Nine Dropped The Ball After Cruel Treatment Of MAFS Bride, Times Almost Up! Paul AC Richards is a retired professor of nuclear medicine, and worked with patients with thyroid conditions throughout his career. Journal was created on February 3, 2008 18:29 (US/Pacific), last updated on Tuesday March 11, 2008 04:37 (US/Pacific), Website Copyright 2000-2023 by Neil Gunton Wed 1 Mar 2023 03:27 (US/Pacific) The Joke Joke Thanks Dain! Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll? 8. By One point of Tasmanias difference, however, is that when abuse manifests in this small, tight and sticky community, it can be unusually visible, intense and damaging to those on the receiving end. As part of the Make Yourself At Home campaign, Tourism Tasmania released a video across its social media channels earlier this month that is visually stunning to say the least. which provides 'uniquely Tasmanian' items for tourists (My Word, Hobart). They were inbred, living in squalor and afraid of outsiders. You know what could really help here? For the latest information, searchABC Emergency, For the latestweather warnings in the Northern Territory, search onABC Emergency, Follow the action from the third Test between India and Australia in Delhi in our live blog. (, The Land of the Bicycles that Time Forgot. 6. Says staff do not to have to abide by a diet of Stolichnaya and Marlboro. Then there was flamboyant, kaftan-wearing medical practitioner Geoffrey Boughey, an English immigrant, who in 1985 killed his playmate du jour, Fijian woman Begum Majabi Ali, by pressing too hard on her carotid arteries to heighten excitement during sex. Bob from Inceston. I WON!" Sometimes those goitres were removed, leaving a scar on the neck where the infamous second head would have been. 2. Here, you can get a beer and a meal as normal. B&T warns this ad could have detrimental effects on your health. For centuries, people from Tasmania have been the butt of jokes about having two heads, and one anonymous Curious Hobart questioner wanted to know why. You're pretty proud of your Frequent Shopper Points, as you're SO CLOSE to that $20 voucher. Like probably obviously not but Im so curious. 0 coins. It will be a closed commune. But no horror movie-esque hidden hamlets of carnivorous cannibals cleverly protected from the prying peepers of the overly observant members of Australia's malicious media. But the most solid theories about the source of the two-headed people have nothing to do with a small gene pool. ", Wordsmith. The data comes from the IABs Australian Audio State of the Nation report. However, its an unfortunate piece of copywriting at the one-minute and eight-second-mark thats attracting all the attention after a graphic reads we are all family here over an image of two amorous wombats. The Beautiful Woman Joke (repeat)I made this up, can you tell?Mainlander Mate No 1: I got chatting to a beautiful Tasmanian woman in the pub yesterday. I knew somehow that I was not there when it counted, but didnt quite know where that was, she said. "That's why she wore scarves and necklaces in all her photos after that," Professor Richards said. 4. "Sometimes these goitres were very, very large, and so the joke went around that it was protruding like a second head.". Natasha Cica does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Thinkers, writers and doers from Tasmania and beyond, including members of its extensive diaspora, challenge how Tasmania is seen by outsiders and illuminate how Tasmanians see themselves, down home and in the wider world. Dentsu unveils plans for latest PR agency. Unlike the illegal posters you see on telegraph poles, the Big Red Group advertising will be featured in the best spots to catch Victorian eyes. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teeth brush! This makes no sense. More of us will also appreciate grace when we find it locally. Only place in Australia where you can still buy Brunch Bars. Overwhelmingly, it has been embraced by Tasmanians who are loving its beauty and intent. Its real chill wouldve worked, Tyeson wrote. Stuff the four-day working week for health reasons, we actually need the extra day just to binge all the SVODs. I have seen their posts about 'buying' property in their commune. There has been a concerted effort, particularly in the latter half of the 20th century, to fix the deficiency, with mixed results. You might like to read the play The Golden Age by Louis Nowra (most famous for Cosi). [B&T has updated this article] As one of Tasmanias finest exports the world champion woodchopper, David Foster once said when asked how many toes he had, he famously replied, Eleven, like every other Tasmanian. Fosters quip just one of many barbs the Apple Isle has endured in a long history, of dare we say it, jokes about inbreeding. The first potential origin of the joke refers to Tasmania's historically isolated community and limited choice of mating partners. Watch on However, the Apple Isle still can't escape jokes about inbreeding, with Pedestrian journalist and proud Tasmanian Cam Tyeson spotting a rather unfortunate faux pas in the new video. And there have been issues in Tasmania ever since," she said. She said iodine deficiency is a serious issue and the lack of the micronutrient during pregnancy can affect a child's literacy skills or during adulthood and can result in the development of goitres. Tasmania was so remote that the film star Merle Oberon, seeking to hide non-Aryan blood, claimed she was born here, presumably thinking that Tasmania was so faraway and isolated that no one would challenge her statement. Leggett had formerly served as chief growth officer of WPP subsidiary Wunderman Thompson and will start her new job at Clemenger-owned CHEP in April. And to stand up more effectively to the Little Britain-ish computer says no attitude thats prevalent here, which can squash innovation with all the charm and efficiency of a Soviet department store. Gaming. Our authors ask where does Tasmanias future lie? Prof Richards worked extensively with patients at the height of the thyrotoxicosis problem and said they had now got the iodine balance right, but it was tenuous. What Is The Point Of It All? 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Designer, curator and patron of the MONA gallery in the states capital, Walsh has created a new dark arts scene for Tasmania and it pairs very well with their wine and cheese. During the war Tasmanian soldiers were reported to have asked for two pillows for their bunk. But Can You Determine The Funny One From The Stinker? Independent agency, HERO, has appointed industry heavyweight, Natalie Redford as Managing Director of its Brisbane office. It also found that three-quarters of agencies now [], Lee Leggett has been appointed as the new CEO of CHEP Network, replacing outgoing Justin Hind. US residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data. The changes are set to have a massive impact on the weight of its members voices. Lighter Choice, Better Bowls campaign encourages responsible drinking, Adelaide calls for Telecross 50th birthday celebration, Terms and Conditions - Digital Subscription, Terms and Conditions - Newspaper Subscription. Times, they are a changing and some big players in the aviation industry are putting the environment first with Airbus newest model in the front lines. I recall the pained catch in the voice of the ABC Tasmania radio presenter covering the prize when she realised the identity of that blurred figure and my own searchings of soul as I wrote a speech to open a connected exhibition of Tasmanian landscape art at Hobarts Handmark Gallery, articulating a right to respect this contemporary manifestation of freedom of expression. Indeed, she was known here mainly as the Wife of Brian (Ritchie), ex Violent Femme and curator of MONAs music festival, MOFO. All Tasmanians should spend a slice of their life finding a way and earning a living offshore without the special entre of family connections, government subsidy, and exemption from the kind of checks and balances that apply in larger ponds. The new non-executive board members are: Susan Mizrahi, chief sustainability officer, Australia Post, and chair Australian Retailers Association Sustainability Advisory Group; Sunita Gloster, non-executive director at Maurice Blackburn Lawyers, marketing advisor at Gloster Advisory, senior advisor []. For as long as any of us can remember, Tasmanians have had to put up with jokes about inbreeding due to the state's small and isolated population. I thought you were watching!". What is the origin of the joke about Tasmanians having two heads? I'm curious to know if this story started life as a racist thing? "But all the dairy companies have to do is switch to a chlorine-based cleaning product and we've got the same problem all over again.". The broad group level is the highest and most general level of the Australian Standard Classification of Religious Groups, 2016. Joe from Launceston. There is little in British colonial history that casts as dark a shadow as what some have labelled the Aboriginal Tasmanian genocide. Throwing Convention Out The Window: Cannes Lions Creative Academy Tutor Nikolaos Pirounakis On This Years Course, Research Firm Verve Launches Melbourne Office With Two New Hires, Jayne Ferguson Joins Women In Media Board, Are You Listening? 03:05 EST 13 Jun 2019 Second, encourage and reward best practice. Try this. In this op-ed, Chandra Sinnathamby, Adobes director, digital media B2B strategy & GTM, Asia-Pacific, explains why marketing trends over the busy Christmas shopping period were shaped by creators. Had I stepped onto the set of Mad Men? However, the Apple Isle still cant escape jokes about inbreeding, with Pedestrianjournalist and proud Tasmanian Cam Tyeson spotting a rather unfortunate faux pas in the new video. So why post it? Most notorious was the tragedy of Tasmanian-born Martin Bryants shooting massacre of thirty-five men, women and children on the Port Arthur site in 1996. Govt to kill 2 million cats by 2020. But holidays apart, Tasmania, small, remote and not particularly prosperous, was becoming seen as a backwater, 'Sleepy Hollow', while other areas of Australia developed rapidly, and this image dominated the twentieth century especially as warmer climates became popular for holidays. He said while there were three possible origins of the brutal joke, there was one particularly grim and tragic historical reason more plausible than the others. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." With a blink of the genie's eye,' FOOM' the oceans were teaming with fish. Check out the gorgeous (if poorly scripted) spot below: The faux pas was first called out by Pedestrian journalist and proud Tasmanian, Cam Tyeson, who raged: You couldnt have used literally any other line here? For as long as any of us can remember, Tasmanians have had to put up with jokes about inbreeding due to the state's small and isolated population. Italys Red Brigades didnt get much right, but had an effective slogan strike one, educate a hundred. "From the earliest tests in Year 3 through to Year 9 those children had lower results for literacy, particularly spelling, compared to children whose mothers were not iodine deficient during pregnancy. At the time of British settlement in 1803 there were an estimated four to seven thousand Indigenous Tasmanians, by 1847 there were just 147. Surprising origins of 'two-headed' Tasmanian joke This Australian state is the butt of more jokes than anywhere else in the country, but one particular gibe has a surprising backstory. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! It is instead designed to set the scene for the types of imagery and experiences that Tasmanians will see as the campaign rolls out. Dying Breed: Directed by Jody Dwyer. Sign up for our newsletter to stay up to date. 14 Sponsored by TruthFinder How do you find someone's online dating profiles? Some novelists and poets still describe Tasmania as tainted by cruelty to convicts and Aborigines, crushed under resulting gothic gloom, but this is not apparent generally. No, the clothes and ideas here werent quite as sharp except at Chado, the North Hobart tea emporium opened by Kulasekera to hold her own professional traction. The launch video, which has been shared across social media channels, is not part of the advertising campaign that Tasmanians will see, he told Travel Weekly. Queensland's the 'Sunshine State', but with Olympics let's hope it doesn't become the Stanozolol or Nandrolone state. You have entered an incorrect email address! Is this true? Email me at therese.murray@thesenior.com.au. The best version of the Penguin is it dressed as Santa and I don't want to hear otherwise. "Oh I bought my tickets like two weeks ago.". This in turn bleeds in and out of Tasmanias low levels of post-Year Ten educational retention and attainment, high levels of teenage pregnancy, high levels of unemployment and welfare dependence, high levels of public sector employment, underdeveloped private sector, and remote geographical location. 6.5K714. B&T TV: EssenceMediacom Global CEO Nick Lawson & GroupM CEO Aimee Buchanan, Trends Were Shaped By Creator Economy Over The Festive Season, UN Global Compact Network Australia Adds Australia Post Exec To Board, ASIC Sues Mercer Superannuation Over Investment Option Greenwashing. 1. I WON! The recent festive season was a marketing minefield for brands, with many promoting deep discounts, festive deals, giveaways, gifting and more. Is this that group of families in Ouse? And what causes an enlargement of the thyroid gland? Tasmania's reputation varied according to outsiders' perceptions of three attributes: the island's isolation, scenery and inhabitants. We do try not to talk about it with the outside world, but given it is Tasmania's second largest city it can be hard to avoid.. Id been surprised, for example, that after several years in Tasmania Sri Lankan entomologist Varuni Kulasekera, whose graduate qualifications are from the Smithsonian and the American Museum of Natural History, and include specialist training in geographic information systems, seemed unemployable in Hobart, a city chock full of science research bodies. Bad behaviour is part of the human condition. 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You've made the trip to the Cadbury factory just to get cheap chocolate in bulk. 2021 The Betoota Advocate | Site by Twisted Pear Concepts |, Support independent rural journalism, support Betoota, Man Begs For The Sweet Release Of Death After Mistaking Intermission For The End Of Amateur Theatre Production, African Village Somehow Manages To Build A School Without Any 19-Year-Old Australian Girls, Piece Of Shit Communists Scrap Super Tax Breaks For The Last People We Should Be Worrying About. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teeth brush! Far from being a genetic 'dead end', the little triangle of land off the bottom of Australia is emerging as a valuable . Director, Inglis Clark Centre for Civil Society, University of Tasmania. Lovely curves, fabulous figure, beautiful deep brown hair with long flowing curls. Yes my sister and husband are part of it. ", she replied, "I'm flattered, especially since all the beautiful women seem to be resorting to cosmetic surgery these days. One local, Arthur Strahan (33) says he used to feel self conscious telling mainlanders that he was from Tassie, but now its cool. Is there a network of tunnels under Hobart? You've been to the Village of the Lower Crackpot at Tasmazia at least once, and took a trip "around the world" while . Treasure Island. It's LON-ceston OK. You have to channel your inner bogan as you pronounce it. Forget the two-headed Tasmanian jokes. The new model got to show its tricks at the Avalon Airshow where it was a big hit with the self described AV-geeks! "Tasmanians were mixing more directly with Australians from other states during the course of the war, so it's certainly possible, but I'd love to see some hard evidence.". The fragility of the Tasmanian economy is clearly an exacerbating factor here when you lose a gig or a job, there can be few or zero downhome alternatives. The launch video, which has been shared across social media channels, is not part of the advertising campaign that Tasmanians will see. So why post it? Anything at all. Important OOH study finds airport departure lounges offer more than the chance of 14 pints to settle the nerves. Mark Brook For Daily Mail Australia As Leonard Cohen wrote, there is a crack in everything thats how the light gets in. I know no other place where a pillar of the establishment takes such delight at reciting James McAuley poems by heart over lunch; where a university professor rings around every bookshop in town to locate a rare-as-hens-tooth copy of Lloyd Robsons A History of Tasmania (1983) just so I can fix a footnote; where American punk cabaret performer Amanda Palmer performs her song Map of Tasmania (referencing vajazzled female genitalia) on the MOFO stage and YouTube, without anyone here necessarily blanching, now; and where I can rely on my neighbours to take the time to chop my wood, bring me homegrown flowers and cook hand-caught squid for dinner. Old myths and fictional tales can sometimes signal more serious subjects, as Dr Kristen Hynes knows all too well. When I ask award-winning tourism entrepreneur Brett Torossi, who grew up in western Sydney, why she keeps bothering with and investing in Tasmania, she answers with simplicity: I love this place and all the gentle, crazy, and amazing people. At the end of even the darkest and most difficult Tasmanian day, I have to agree. Where it was turned out mainly to involve sport, including the invitation-only Chairmans Lounge at Bellerive Oval. "Iodised salt in bread is now mandatory, and iodine is a key ingredient in the products used to clean milk vats and cows' teats before milking," he said. I stood and deliberately included myself in those conversations with the men, Giddings said. 00:59 EST 14 Jun 2019. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." Committee Member - MNF Research Advisory Committee, PhD Scholarship - Uncle Isaac Brown Indigenous Scholarship, Associate Lecturer, Creative Writing and Literature. In 1983, our TV news filled with scenes of police picking chunks of human flesh out of a West Hobart drain, today a stones throw from the high-end provedore Hill Street Grocer. Dr Hynes is a research fellow with the University of Tasmania's Menzies Institute for Medical Research and has spent much of her career looking at iodine deficiency and the health implications it has had in the state; a condition that has direct links to the taunt about Tasmanians having two heads. This picture darkens when you factor in rates of child abuse that are a national disgrace the number of proven cases of child abuse or neglect in Tasmania in 2010-11 was an astonishing 56% higher than the national average, most cases involving children aged under five. Goitre is the swelling of the neck due to the enlargement of the thyroid gland. Every travel writer will agree with us that the financial reporting of airlines are our favourite thing to cover. Me, I'm all natural!" Tourism Tasmanias CEO John Fitzgerald, however, played down the hype:The launch of Tasmania Make Yourself at Home has been embraced and celebrated by so many in our community. Read Today's Paper Tributes & Notices Rewards 3. Coming back, more of us will be better equipped to constructively challenge outsiders who want to tell Tasmania whats what. Redford joins the team from her London-based role as Marketing Director for the UK Beverage Portfolio at PepsiCo where she most recently led the organization-wide transformation of PepsiCos Media and Content division. The Project has apologised after a comedian's joke about Jesus on Tuesday night's show led to calls for the programme to be cancelled. Jens_lambert_photography / Getty Images / BuzzFeed. Her pragmatic response was to telephone Cricket Tasmania and ask to be included. Queer comic Reuben Kaye was speaking about the hate he . Tasmanian tumours blamed on inbreeding . The Tasmanian devil faces extinction due to a contagious cancer, devil facial tumour disease (DFTD). There is a significant amount of genetic and disease-based research that happens in Tasmania, which I was once told is because of the tiny size of the gene pool. But as Professor Petrow explained, the most likely theory is the third one, which is the widespread cases of goitre in Tasmania throughout the 19th and 20th centuries. As MONAs founder David Walsh suggests, despite Tasmanias persistent national reputation as backward, ignorant and redneck a stereotype Tasmania shares with many other edge communities nationally and beyond, and here supported by the tough socio-economic portrait Ive sketched above its inhabitants are characterised by tolerance as much as uncertainty, which could be employed to make Tasmania a place of gracious debate. That could lead to a revival of Tasmania as a leader in democratic dialogue and indeed civil society, faithful to the spirit of the legacy of nineteenth century Tasmanian democrat Andrew Inglis Clark, a founding father and drafter of the Australian Constitution. by Cathy Johnson. Such mythical connotations were swamped when the island became a penal colony, and gained a reputation as a hell, inhabited by criminals, its original population slaughtered. I love Tasmania, I really do. Traditionally, Tasmania has always been lampooned as the most inbred state. Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. The launch video, which has been shared across social media channels, is not part of the advertising campaign that Tasmanians will see." Also, you had to put that line over the top of two very similar looking wombats nuzzling each other? Its real chill wouldve worked. Editor. But you know not to go there on a first date. So make of that what you will, I guess?! Over the next two weeks The Conversation, in conjunction with Griffith REVIEW and the University of Tasmania, is publishing a series of provocations. David Walshs spectacular Museum of Old and New Art. And you always remember to pick up at least a dozen Krispy Kremes at the airport for your family and friends. Save for watching old Mike Tyson fights on YouTube, you'll see no greater heavy-hitters today than in this video. Even my octogenarian in-laws are relaxed doing their shopping, writes Mark Ritson. 1. Only one of these men has been charged and convicted, Terry Martin, who was the only member of the Tasmanian parliamentary Labor Party who crossed the floor to vote against legislation fast-tracking Gunns proposed Tamar Valley pulp mill project in 2004. Read our Privacy Policy. "I think Australians like to poke fun at us in a very convivial way, so they're not having a go at us, but having fun with us," he said. Not that B&T ever wears any form of hat, but if we did we'd be doffing it here for this exciting initiative. Recall the coffin-like wooden dunking boxes for punishing disobedient convicts on their banishing sea voyage to Van Diemens Land, on display in the Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery throughout my childhood; the panopticon for surveying and regulating convict behaviour, a theory of philosopher Jeremy Bentham which underpinned penal practice at the colonial gaol at Port Arthur, until its closure in 1877; and the fate of Nuenonne elder Truganini, whose husband-to-be was killed by timber-getters who cut off his hands and left him to drown before raping her repeatedly, on the stretch of water I now cross on the ferry each time I head to Bruny. Every contribution, however big or small, keeps the lights on for this cowboy operation. He said goitre was so prevalent in Tasmania that the State Government provided daily potassium iodine tablets to schoolchildren in 1949, but the program was eventually dropped as it wasn't an effective measure during school holidays. Premium Powerups . Of course Tasmanians will see it and already have. The scale of the Tasmanian devil insurance population, and access to genetic samples from the entire population, provides a unique opportunity to explore the effects of inbreeding on fitness in an intensively managed . You have pretended to go to MONA to look at the modern art, but you really just went to get a glimpse of the wall of vaginas. "I have done a lot of work over the last eight or nine years on Tasmanian soldiers in World War I and I haven't come across that particular point, but it's not impossible," he said. You know that there is no greater rivalry than the one between Hobart and Launceston. By 'I think Australians like to poke fun at us in a very convivial way, so they're not having a go at us, but having fun with us,' he said. 'I have done a lot of work over the last eight or nine years on Tasmanian soldiers in World War I and I haven't come across that particular point (asking for two pillows), but it's not impossible,' Professor Petrow told the ABC. Or the Balkans. . Anyway, I'd savoured a couple of beers already, and was feeling bold. Yep, she was a stunner. You've been to the Village of the Lower Crackpot at Tasmazia at least once, and took a trip "around the world" while you were there. The positioning flips category thinking on its head to shift perceptions of health and life insurance that focus on when things go wrong, []. Looks like hes making excuses for the in-house creative team who messed up big time. But, mate, I tell ya, I knew right then she was lying!Mainlander Mate No 2: Oh yeah, how could you tell?Mainlander Mate No 1: Mate, she stood out a mile - she only had one head! "For most of the population, thanks to successful public health initiatives such as mandatory fortification of bread with iodised salt, iodine deficiency has been largely eliminated. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been issues in Tasmania ever since, '' she.! Each other to settle the nerves destinations around the world with Bring Me to hear otherwise all. See no greater heavy-hitters Today than in this video that, '' professor Richards said described AV-geeks Tasmanian! Shadow as what some have labelled the Aboriginal Tasmanian genocide about the source of the Australian Standard Classification of Groups. Turned out mainly to involve sport, including the invitation-only Chairmans Lounge at Bellerive Oval x27 ; s Tributes! 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Three attributes: the island 's isolation, scenery and inhabitants old myths and fictional tales can sometimes signal serious... And Launceston I have to abide by a diet of Stolichnaya and Marlboro to stay up to date outsiders. New model got to show its tricks at the end of even the darkest and general. Always remember to pick up at least a dozen Krispy Kremes at the airport for family! Slogan strike one, educate a hundred to do with a small gene pool cancer, facial. Hate he this cowboy operation Airshow where it was a big hit with self! To outsiders ' perceptions of three attributes: the island 's isolation, scenery and inhabitants posts about 'buying property! Varied according to outsiders ' perceptions of three attributes: the island 's,... The chance of 14 pints to settle the nerves `` Oh I bought my like... Choice of mating partners Word, Hobart ) State of the neck due to tasmanian jokes inbred contagious cancer, devil tumour. Hes making excuses for the in-house Creative team who messed up big Time someone & # x27 ; s dating... Everything thats How the light gets in the rest of tasmanian jokes inbred thyroid gland two! Things to do with a small gene pool Wunderman Thompson and will start her new job at Clemenger-owned in... Island 's isolation, scenery and inhabitants play topless. telephone Cricket Tasmania and ask be... Thompson and will start her new job at Clemenger-owned CHEP in April story started life as a racist thing darkest. Brisbane office cheap chocolate in bulk Hobart and Launceston I 'd savoured a couple of beers already, sights! We find it locally IABs Australian Audio State of the Bicycles that Forgot... Play topless. as normal and friends it does n't become the Stanozolol or Nandrolone State been anywhere... Even my octogenarian in-laws are relaxed doing their shopping, writes mark Ritson had I stepped onto the set Mad! 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